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Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 
in  2017  with  funding  from 

University  of  Illinois  Urbana-Champaign  Alternates 


https://archive.org/details/twogentlemenatmiOOsimp 


'WO  GENTLEMEN  AT  MIYART’S 


A DRAMATIC  DUOLOGUE 
IN  ONE  ACT 


FOR  MALE  CHARACTERS  ONLY 


By  J.  Palgrave  Simpson 


New  York 

DICK  & FITZGERALD 
1 8 Ann  Street 


EXPLANATlOlsr  OF  THE  STAGE  DIEECTIONS. 


The  actor  is  supposed  to  face  the  Audience. 


D.  R.  C.  C.  D.  D.  L.  C. 


a.  u.  i!.. 

/ 

R.  3 E. 

R.  2 E. 


/ 

R.  1 E. 

/ 


JScene. 


L.  u.  E. 


L.  1 E. 

\ 


R. 


R.  C.  0.  Lo  a 

Audience. 


L. 


L.  Left. 

L.  c.  Left  Centre. 

L.  1 E.  Left  First  Entrance. 

L.  2 E.  Left  Second  Entrance. 
L.  3 E.  Left  Third  Entrance. 

L.  u.  E.  Left  Upper  Entrance, 
(just  in  front  of  Scene.) 

n.  L.  c.  Door  Left  Centre, 
c.  D.  Centre  Door. 


c.  Centre. 

R.  Rifrht. 

R.  c.  Right  Centre. 

R.  1 E.  Right  First  Entrance. 

R.  2 E.  Right  Second  Entrance. 

R.  3 E.  Right  Third  Entrance. 

R.  u.  E.  Right  Upper  Entrance, 
(just  111  front  of  Scene.) 

D.  R.  c.  Door  Right  Centre. 


m 

/r?" 


TWO  GENTLEMEN  AT  MIVART’S 

A DRAMATIC  DUOLOGUE  IN  ONE  SHORT  ACT  AND  ONE 
SCENE. 

By  J.  PALGEAVE  SIMPSON. 


For  Male  Characters  only. 


Time  Th©  Present.  Costumes — Modern. 


CHARACTERS. 

An  Elderly  Gentleman.  | A Young  Gentleman. 


SCENE— Ante-room  in  Mivart's  Hotel.  Roots,  r.  and  L.  Table 
n.,  on  which  an  umbrella  is  lying.  Chairs.  ’ 

^ Enter  the  Elderly  Gentleman,  r.  d. 

' Elderly  Gentleman,  {speaking  hack,  aoid  waving  his  hand  at  the 
. door  with  affectation^.  Ta,  ta,  fair  lady  ! Keep  up  your  spirits.  I 
.3  shall  be  back  soon,  [coming  forward)  Come,  there  can  be  no  doubt 

- of  the  matter.  I have  made  an  impression  and  a devilish  o-ood 
impression,  I flatter  myself.  I have  but  to  pop  the  question ‘"and 
she  will  accept  me  with  her  eyes  shut.  A capital  match  ' — good 

- connections— good  fortune— just  the  thing  for  me  ! I don't  know 
what  sort  of  grimace  my  family  will  make,  though,  to  my  mar- 
rying  at  my  years.  My  years  ! nonsense  ! Why,  I am  in  my  very 

! best  years— at  the  age  of— well,  never  mind.  After  all,  what  can 
, my  family  say  to  it  ? I’m  a bachelor.  Hum  ! When  I say  “ bach- 
elor,” it  ought,  perhaps,  to  be  “ widower.”  But  that  is  such  an  old 
story  ; and  my  only  encumbrance  has  been  off  my  hands  so  long 
, ^at  it  is  just  the  same  as  if  I had  none  at  all.  So  that’s  all  right! 

: Well,  I’ll  be  off  to  Swan  and  Edgar’s,  and  see  whether  I cannot  find 
something  to  please  the  fancy  of  my  pretty  widow  here.  I am  glad 
^ she  took  up  her  town  quarters  at  Mivart’s  ; for  here  one  can  run  in 
and  out  without  remark  and  without  obstacle. 

U.  C.  lU..  Lib. 


4 


TWO  GENTLEMEN  AT  MIVARt’s/ 


As  he  spealcs,  gets  to  door^  l.,  and  knocks  against  the  Young  Gentle- 
man, who  enters  abruptly, 

E.  Gent.  Well,  sir  ! 

Young  Gentleman.  Well,  sir! 

E.  Gent.  You  might  have  seen  where  you  were  coming,  sir. 

Y.  Gent.  And  you  might  have  seen  where  you  were  going,  sir. 

E.  Gent.  The  door  was  wide  enough  to  avoid  any  pushing,  sir. 

Y.  Gent.  I perfectly  coincide  in  your  opinion,  sir. 

E.  Gent.  No  matter,  sir. 

Y.  Gent.  No  offence,  sir. 

E.  Gent,  {aside).  What  the  deuce  can  that  young  fellow  be  doing 
here  1 

Y.  Gent,  (aside).  I should  like  to  know  what  that  elderly  indi- 
vidual is  philandering  about  here  for. 

E.  Gent,  (aside).  I don’t  like  the  looks  of  him  at  all. 

[Uxit,  L.  D.,  looking  suspiciously  at  Young  Gentleman. 

Y.  Gent.  Well,  I have  come  up  from  Oxford  on  a spree  ; and,  by 
Jove,  the  campaign  seems  to  open  with  spirit.  I dashed  off  to  the 
Park  to  see  something  of  the  gay  world,  galloped  down  Kotten 
Row,  spied  a pair  of  bright  eyes  in  Lady  Blunder’s  carriage,  evi- 
dently created  a sensation — for  I’ll  be  sworn,  by  the  glances  from 
those  same  bright  eyes,  that  she  was  flattered  by  my  attentions — 
tracked  my  fair  incognita  to  this  hotel,  where  the  old  lady  set  her 
down,  tipped  the  porter  to  let  me  know  where  her  rooms  were — 
and  here  I am  ! Once  in  the  fortress,  I’m  not  to  be  dislodged  in  a 
hurry.  I must  reconnoitre  my  ground,  however.  {Rooking  r.)  That 
must  be  the  room  where  the  aforesaid  bright  eyes  shine.  I won- 
der whether  she  is  alone.  It  isn’t  quite  the  thing,  I know ; but, 
come  what  may,  I must  have  a peep ; there’s  no  resisting  the  temp- 
tation. [goes  on  tiptoe  to  r.  d.,  and  peeps  through  the  keyhole^ 

Enter  Elderly  Gentleman,  l.  d. 


E.  Gent.  I’ve  left  my  umbrella,  and  it’s  beginning  to  rain ; and 
when  a man’s  made  up  for  the  day,  damp’s  the  devil ! [takes  his  um- 
brella from  table,  turns  and  sees  Yov'SiQ  Gentleman)  Hollo!  what  is 
that  young  fellow  doing  near  my  intended’s  door  I [coughs  loudly) 
Y.  Gent,  [startled  and  turning).  Hollo  ! what’s  the  row  I Here’s 
old  Philander  again  1 Ah  ! hem  ! [lets  fall  his  riding  whip,  and  pre- 
tends to  pick  it  up.  Aside)  I think  that  dodge  deceived  him.  He 
can’t  say  I was  caught  in  the  act. 

E.  Gent,  (aside).  That  looks  monstrously  suspicious.  Can  he  be 
a rival  I 

Y.  Gent,  (aside).  What  can  he  want?  Deuce  take  the  intruder  1 
This  is  very  awkward. 

E Gent,  (aside).  I can’t  say  I’m  jealous  ; but  I feel  very  quev 
y.  Gent,  (aside).  I’ll  brazen  him  out. 


TWO  GENTLEMEN  AU  MIV ART’S. 


5 


E.  Gent,  (^aside).  How  he  stares  ! 

Y.  Gen.  {aside).  What  ferocious  eyes  he  makes  at  me  ! 

E.  Gent.  Ahem  ! 

Y.  Gent,  {mimicking).  Ahem  ! 

E.  Gent.  Did  you  speak,  sir 

Y.  Gent.  No  ; I thought  you  did,  sir. 

E.  Gent,  {coughing  with  vexation  and  embarrassment).  Ahem  ! 

Y.  Gent.  You  seem  to  have  a cold,  sir. 

E.  Gent.  Not  at  all,  sir.  Are  you  looking  or  anything,  may  I 
ask  1 

Y Gent.  I am  looking  for  what  I have  found. 

E.  Gent,  ^aside').  Found!  What  can  he  mean  1 {aloud)  You 
are  acquainted,  perhaps,  with 

Y.  Gent.  Exactly  so.  {mimicking)  I am  acquainted  with 

E.  Gent.  Ah,  really  ! {aside')  Then  he  is  a rival ! {aloud)  And 
you  wish,  perhaps — hem  ! hem  ! 

Y.  Gent.  Precisely,  {mimicking)  I wish — hem  I hem  ! {aside) — 
you  at  the  devil.  If  he  would  only  go  one  way  or  the  other  ! 
The  position  is  getting  embarrassing. 

E.  Gent,  {aside.,  sitting  at  table  n.}.  He  may  retire,  if  I show  my- 
self determined  to  stay. 

Y.  Gent,  {sitting  l.  \ He  shall  see  that  I am  resolved  to  sit  him 
out;  and  then  perhaps  he’ll  mizzle,  {theg  sit,  turning  their  backs. 
After  a pause,  in  which  they  show  marks  of  impatience,  they  look  round.) 

E.  Gent,  {aside).  Confound  the  young  fellow  1 

Y.  Gent,  {aside).  Has  the  old  stick  taken  root  I 

E.  Gent,  {getting  up.  Aside).  My  suspicions  must  be  cleared 
up.  Suppose  I were  to  pretend  to  go — leave  him  free  to  pay  his 
visit ; then  I might  see 

Y.  Gent,  {aside,  without  rising).  He  seems  disposed  to  quit  the 
field  ; the  best  thing  he  can  do. 

E.  Gent,  {gruffly,  going  to  ix.  d.).  Good-day,  sir. 

Y.  Gent,  {rising,  and  making  a very  ceremonious  bow).  Sir,  your 
most  obedient,  very  humble  servant.  (Elderly  Gentleman  grunts 
loudly,  and  exit  l.  d.  Young  Gentleman  bursts  out  laughing.) 

Y.  Gent.  Victory ! The  day  is  mine  ! The  enemy  has  fled ! 
That  heavy  artillery  of  his  {mimics  Elderly  Gentleman’s  grunt) 
was  a last  shot.  I had  better  profit  by  his  retreat  to  make  an  im- 
mediate attack,  {goes  briskly  towards  r.  d.,  then  stops)  ’Pon  my  soul, 
I like  my  own  impudence  ! This  is  one  of  the  biggest  bits  of  ef- 
frontery I ever — Well,  isn’t  impudence  the  current  coin  of  the  age  1 
Brass  buys  more  nowadays  than  any  amount  of  sterling  gold. 
Look  at  the  orchestras  in  modern  operas.  There’s  brass  for  you! 
{mimics  playing  the  trombone  and  trumpets  with  his  voice)  It  over- 
powers all  your  old-fashioned  fiddles,  and  does  double  the  effect  in 
half  the  number  of  bars.  Brass  be  my  metal,  then.  Courage ! 
Faint  heart  never  won  fair  lady.  I’ll  knock,  {knocks  r.  d,  and 


6 


TWO  GENTLEMEN  AT  MIVART’S. 


listens)  What  a sweet  voice  murmurs  {mimicking)  “ Come  in  ” ! 0, 
it  shot  right  through  my  heart ! Now,  quick,  forwards,  march  ! 

[Exit^  L.  D. 

Elderly  Gentleman  in  l.  d.,  then  enters  in  a rage. 

E.  Gent.  He  is  gone  in ! And  she  receives  this  unknown  rival. 
Perfidious  woman  ! Could  I have  ever  dreamed  that  she  would  have 
encouraged  such  a being  when  I tendered  wysuiti  But  these 
young  jackanapes  fellows  think  they  are  to  carry  everything  before 
them,  and  run  an  experienced  man  of  the  world  off*  the  course. 
What  infernal  conceit  ! But  conceit  is  the  vice  of  youth.  It  is 
only  at  a certain  age  that  a man  is  able  to  appreciate  his  own  merit 
with  any  true  discernment,  {walking  about  angrily)  Surely  she  can 
never  prefer  such  a young  puppy  to  me — such  a bit  of  marabout 
feather  as  that  {blows  through  his  fingers)  to  the  solid,  {banging  floor 
with  his  umbrella)  The  solid  % No,  no ; it  is  impossible.  Such  a 
little  nobody-knows-who — not  even  a real  gentleman.  I’ll  be  sworn  ; 
for  I caught  him  looking  through  the  keyhole — I am  sure  of  it ; 
and  if  there  is  anything  that  is  dirty,  and  mean,  and  low,  and  un- 
gentlemanly,  it  is  such  an  action  as  that.  0,  it’s  beneath  me  to  be 
jealous  ! But  I own  I should  like  to  know  what  they  are  about 
all  this  time.  0,  I can’t  stand  it  any  longer  ! 

Goes  to  R.  D.,  and  looks  through  the  keyhole.  At  the  same  moment  the 
door  opens  violently.  The  Young  Gentleman  enters  precipitately^ 
and  knocks  the  Elderly  Gentleman  down. 

Y.  Gent.  Sent  about  my  business,  by  Jove ! {mimicking  woman's 
voice)  She  wondered  at  my  effrontery.  Threatened  to  ring  for  the 
waiter.  I never  was  in  such  a rage  in  my  life. 

E.  Gent,  {who  has  been  trying  in  vain  to  get  up^  in  a passion,  and  slips 
down  again  with  a cry  of  pain).  0 ! 

Y.  Gent,  {turning).  What’s  this  'I  old  Philander  fioundering  like 
a porpoise  on  the  floor. 

E.  Gent.  Sir,  you  have  knocked  me  down  ! 

Y.  Gent.  How  could  you  be  so  awkward  as  to  stand  in  my  way, 
then?  Bat  I forgive  you  You  may  get  up. 

E.  Gent,  {sitting  up).  He  forgives  me!  I shall  burst  with  rage! 
{struggles  in  vain  to  get  up.) 

Y.  Gent.  What  1 you  can’t  1 Rheumatic,  I suppose.  Such  in- 
conveniences will  afflict  elderly  gentlemen,  {gives  him  a hand  to  help 
him  up.) 

E.  Gent,  {accepting  the  hand,  with  rage).  Rheumatic!  no,  sir,  I am 
not  rheumatic  ! {getting  up  with  a wry  face)  What  do  you  mean  by 

rheumatic,”  sir  'I  {rubs  his  back  with  pain)  Do  you  mean  to  insult 
me,  sir  1 

y.  Gent.  {amde).  Well,  so  be  it!  I came  for  a spree.  A quarrel 


IWO  OENTLEMliiN  AT  MIVART’S. 


7 


instead  of  a courtship  ! I must  be  revenged  on  some  one  for  my 
disappointment  and  mortification,  {aloud)  Insult  you,  sir  I as  you 
will,  sir ! 

E.  Gent,  [drawing  himself  up).  You  must  be  aware,  sir,  that  I am 
in  a position  to  demand  the  satisfaction  of  a gentleman. 

Y.  Gent.  As  you  will,  sir. 

E.  Gent.  The  satisfaction  of  a gentleman,  I say,  sir  ! 

Y.  Gent.  And  I answer,  “As  you  will,  sir.”  Are  you  deaf  as 
well  as  rheumatic  1 Deafness  is  another  inconvenience  which  will 
afflict  elderly  gentlemen. 

E.  Gent,  {in  a towering  passion).  Deaf,  sir  I No,  sir  ; nor  blind, 
sir  ! I can  see  that  you  are  my  rival  in  the  affections  of  the  lady 
in  that  room,  sir. 

Y.  Gent.  So  ! you  pretend  to  the  affections  of — Ha,  ha,  ha  ! 

E.  Gent,  {aside).  The  fellow’s  laughing  at  me  into  the  bargain. 
{aloud)  And  you  fancy,  perhaps,  that  you  are  the  preferred  one. 
But  you  are  mistaken,  sir. 

Y.  Gent.  Elderly  gentlemen  are  subject  to  mistakes  as  well  as 
young  ones,  sir. 

E.  Gent  Elderly  again  ! Sir,  you  shall  fall,  or  I. 

Y.  Gent.  As  it  may  happen,  sir. 

E.  Gent.  I say,  “ You  shall  fall,  or  I !” 

Y.  Gent.  And  I answer,  “ As  it  may  happen,  sir  !”  The  poor 
old  fellow  is  as  deaf  as  a post. 

E.  Gent,  {suffocating  with  rage).  Old  fellow  ! Deaf  ! Very  well, 
sir  ! very  well ! I shall  go  and  settle  the  preliminaries.  I have  a 
friend  in  the  house  ; he  shall  wait  on  you  here  immediately. 

Y.  Gent.  Let  him  wait. 

E.  Gent.  I tell  you,  sir,  he  shall  wait  on  you  here. 

Y.  Gent,  [bawling)  And  I reply,  “ Let  him  wait !”  That  old  man 
will  ruin  my  lungs. 

E.  Gent,  {turning  away  with  an  angry  grunt).  Ough  ! (aside)  It’s 
as  well  matters  have  turned  out  thus.  My  duel  will  make  a noise 
at  the  club  ; she  will  hear  of  it ; and  the  impression  will  be  clenched 
if  I can  wing  the  fellow.  Ah,  ha ! I haven’t  forgot  a trick  or  two 
of  the  trigger  yet!  [makes  the  action  of  shooting  towards  the  Young 
Gentleman,  and  exit^  l.  Tt.ffurious.) 

Y.  Gent.  He’s  off,  and  I’m  in  for  it ! Well,  I wanted  an  adven- 
ture, and  I have  got  one,  though  it  is  none  of  the  gayest.  No  mat- 
ter, there’s  plenty  of  excitement  in  it.  Pistols  for  two — Chalk  Farm 
— distance  measured — stand  taken — one — two — three — off  we  pop. 
Elderly  individual  makes  a wry  face — or  1 — 1 1 To  be  sure  it  may 
be  I.  I may  be  packed  off,  six  feet  by  three — “ very  snug  lying  ” 
— hat-bands  and  mourning-coaches — [gradually  going  over  into  emo- 
tion) and  my  second  mother,  following  me,  flooded  in  tears — her 
heart  broken — I didn’t  think  of  her.  [sits  down)  She  would  die  of 
grief,  she  who  believes  me  the  steadiest  of  men,  and  loves  me  more 
than  life.  Come,  come,  no  more  of  this  1 [springs  up)  These  vain 


8 


TWO  GENTLEMEN  AT  MIVART’S. 


imaginings  are  out  of  place.  I am  not  going  to  write  my  epitaph 
yet.  {gayly  again)  Ah  ! here  comes  old  Philander  again,  and  with- 
out his  friend.  He  surely  can’t  mean  to  show  the  white  feather. 

Enter  Elderly  Gentleman,  l.  d.,  with  a letter. 

E.  Gent.  Ah  ! you  are  still  here  'I 

Y.  Gent.  Didn’t  I tell  you  I should  wait  ? But  you  are  so  deaf. 
{beginning  te  bawl)  I told  you 

E.  Gent,  {stopping  his  ears).  There,  that  will  do,  sir!  I am  not 
deaf,  I tell  you.  I have  not  yet  seen  my  friend.  But  I go  imme- 
diately ; you  shall  not  escape  me,  sir.  But  first  I have  a service  to 
render  you. 

Y.  Gent.  A service  to  me? 

E.  Gent.  Which  my  injured  dignity  calls  for  at  my  hands.  On 
the  stairs  of  the  hotel  I met  my  intended’s  maid ; she  started  at 
the  sight  of  me  in  evident  confusion,  and  endeavored  to  conceal  a 
letter.  There  could  be  no  doubt,  from  her  manner,  it  was  a com- 
munication intended  for  my  rival.  I tore  it  from  her  hands,  and 
I bring  it  you  myself,  sir.  This  rival  is  evidently  you  ; there  can 
be  no  other. 

Y.  Gent,  {aside).  Can  the  fair  one  have  relented,  and  sent  after 
me  to  apologize  ? By  Jove  ! it  must  be  so ! 

E.  Gent,  {reading  address  aside).  “ Sir  Charles  Fancourt.”  Now 
I know  my  detested  rival’s  odious  name,  {aloud)  There,  sir,  is  your 
letter,  {gives  it)  It  shall  decide  which  of  the  two  is  to  resign  his 
pretensions  to  the  lady. 

Y.  Gent,  {taking  letter  and  opening  it  without  looking  at  the  address). 
“ Dear  Sir  Charles  ’’—Sir  Charles  ! why,  this  letter  is  not  intended 
for  me.  Hollo  ! what’s  here  I {reading)  “ That  silly  coxcomb,  Mr. 
Dash  wood — ” {aside)  How  the  deuce  did  she  know  my  name  I 

E.  Gent.  “ Silly  coxcomb  ! ” Perfidious  woman  ! 

Y.  Gent.  Thank  you,  sir.  It  is  odious  to  use  such  unladylike 
expressions. 

E.  Gent.  Thank  you,  sir ; so  it  is. 

Y.  Gent.  You  are  very  kind.  It’s  unheard  of. 

E.  Gent.  You  are  very  kind.  It’s  abominable,  to  use  such  an 
epithet  to  me! 

Y.  Gent.  No,  sir  ! to  me!  It’s  addressed  to  me  ! 

E.  Gent.  No,  sir!  It  is  I who  am  the  silly  coxcomb  ! 

Y.  Gent  No,  sir  ! It  is  I who  am  the  silly  coxcomb  ! 

E.  Gent.  Your  pardon,  it  is  I ! 

Y.  Gent.  No,  I ! 

E.  Gent.  It  is  I who  am  the  above-mentioned  Dashwood,  sir. 

Y.  Gent.  But  my  name  is  Dashwood,  too,  sir. 

E Gent.  You  don’t  say  so  I 

Y.  Gent.  You  are  Algernon  Dashwood,  senior  I 

E.  Gent.  And  you,  Algernon  Dashwood,  junior  I My  boy,  whom 
my  sister  Mary  brought  up  when  I became  a widower  1 


TWO  GENTLEMEN  AT  MIVART’S. 


9 


Y.  Gent.  Yes,  papa  I 

E.  Gent.  My  son ! 

Y.  Gent.  In  your  arms,  papa ! (they  embrace)  And  the  voice  of 
Nature  never  spoke  in  your  bosom  1 

E.  Gent.  I rather  think  we  both  bellowed  too  loud  to  let  it  be 
heard.  Mary  wrote  me  word  you  were  studying  at  Oxford,  a 
sober-sided  bookworm,  {shaking  his  head)  But  I fear,  from  all  I 
have  seen  to-day,  that  you  are  a sad  scapegrace,  Algy. 

Y.  Gent,  As  Aunt  Mary  always  told  me  my  father  was  before 
me. 

E.  Gent.  Your  Aunt  Mary  is  a fool.  Give  me  the  fatal  letter. 
{aside)  I hadn’t  seen  the  jackanapes  since  he  was  in  his  cradle ; 
and  to  think  he  should  have  grown  up  to  this,  like  a head  of  as- 
paragus in  a hotbed ! Why,  he’ll  kick  me  off  the  perch,  and  I 
shall  be  a grandfather  before  I can  pop  the  question  to  a pretty 
woman  again.  As  for  that  confounded  jilt,  I renounce  her  for- 
ver  ; for  there  is  a preferred  rival,  after  all. 

Y.  Gent.  Shall  it  be  “ forgive  and  forget,”  papa'? 

E.  Gent.  We  are  both  conceited  puppies,  I fear,  and  both  have 
had  a lesson.  So  let’s  shake  hands  on  it. 

Y.  Gent.  I’m  proud  of  being  a chip  of  the  old  block,  papa. 

E.  Gent.  Ah,  my  boy ! we’d  better  hold  our  tongues  about  it. 
Perhaps  our  friends  might  say  we  have  neither  of  us  any  reason 
to  be  proud  of  the  little  comedy  we  played  when  we  appeared 
as 

Botr  {laughing).  Two  gentlemen  at  Mivarfs. 


CURTAIN. 


PLAYS. 

DICK’S  AMERICAN  EDITION. 

Copies  of  any  of  the  titles  advertised  on  this  circular  will  he  sent  to 
any  address  on  receipt  of  the  annexed  prices.  Send  orders  to 

DICK  & FITZGERALD, 

18  Ann  Street,  = - New  York. 


A HOUSEHOLD  FAIRY.  A domestic  sketch  in  one  act,  by 
Francis  Talfourd.  One  male  and  one  female  characters. 
Scene,  a bachelor’s  apartment.  Time,  about  thirty  minutes. 
A bright  and  lively  girl  proves  to  a morbid,  sentimental  and 
desponding  young  bachelor  that  life  is  worth  living  ; a very 
well  planned  character  sketch. 

A KISS  IN  THE  DARK.  A capital  farce  in  one  act.  Two 
male  and  three  female  characters.  Scene,  a parlor.  Time, 
about  forty-five  minutes.  A roaring  Farce  in  which  a sus- 
picious husband  attempts  to  test  his  wife’s  constancy ; be- 
comes the  victim  of  his  own  little  plot,  is  properly  humbled, 
and  cured  of  his  groundless  jealousy. 

A MEDICAL  MAN.  A comedietta  in  one  act,  by  W.  S.  Gil- 
bert. Two  male  and  one  female  characters.  Scene,  a very 
untidy  bachelor’s  room.  Time,  about  forty  minutes.  A very 
ingenious  and  farcical  domestic  comedy  of  errors,  which  in 
spite  of  a serious  blunder,  and  a pardonable  deception,  re- 
sults in  the  happiness  of  both  the  parties  concerned. 

A MOST  UNWARRANTABLE  INTRUSION.  A comic  inter- 
lude in  one  act  by  John  Maddison  Morton.  Two  male 
characters  only.  Scene,  a parlor.  Time,  about  thirty-five 
minutes.  It  shows  how  a personally  unknown  nephew,  by 
the  most  ludicrous  and  eccentric  conduct,  manages  to  obtain 
from  his  uncle  the  hand  of  his  niece  and  a fortune  besides. 

A PAIR  OF  PIGEONS.  A domestic  sketch  in  one  act  by 
Bdward  Stirling.  One  male  and  one  female  characters. 
Scene,  a parlor.  Time,  about  thirty  minutes.  A very  amus- 
ing matrimonial  scene  in  which  a wife  cures  her  husband  of 
unwarrantable  jealou^. 

A TERRIBLE  SECRET.  A spirited  farce  in  one  act,  by  J. 
Stirling  Coyne.  Two  male  and  two  female  characters. 
Scene,  a furnished  parlor.  Time,  fully  an  hour.  In  which  Mr. 
Henpecker  is  the  victim  of  a harmless  hoax  which  involves 
him  in  a lot  of  imaginary  troubles  and  funny  perplexities, 
until  the  secret  he  struggles  to  conceal  is  shorn  of  its  fancied 
terrors,  and  Mrs.  Henpecker  consents  to  be  appeased. 

AN  ELIGIBLE  SITUATION.  An  eccentricity  in  one  act,  by 
Thomas  Archer  and  J.  C.  Brough.  Four  male  and  six  female 
characters.  Time,  about  forty  minutes.  A medley  of  philan- 
thropy, jealousy,  inquisitiveness,  clandestine  love-making, 
burglary  and  final  happiness. 


FAIRLY  TAKEN  IN.  A comic  interlude  in  one  act  by  Mrs. 
Charles  Kemble.  One  male  and  one  female  characters. 
Scene,  an  apartment.  Time,  about  twenty-five  minutes.  A 
suspicious  lover’s  stratagem  to  test  his  betrothed  is  met  by 
stratagem,  and  he  is  taught  a lesson  for  groundless  mistrust. 

FIRESIDE  DIPLOMACY.  A comedietta  in  one  act,  adapted 
from  the  French  by  Charles  Smith  Cheltnam.  Two  male 
and  two  female  characters.  Scene,  an  elegant  parlor.  Time, 
about  forty  minutes.  A well-arranged  domestic  comedy  in 
which  a woman  who  henpecks  her  husband  strives  to  create 
discord  between  a happy  couple,  and  not  only  fails,  but  gets 
a wholesome  lesson  herself. 

FURNISHED  APARTMENTS.  A comic  interlude  in  one  act 
by  H.  A.  Y.  Five  male  characters  only.  Scene,  a parlor. 
Time,  about  one  hour.  The  fun  begins  with  two  gentlemen 
taking  the  same  apartments,  ordering  the  same  supper,  and 
each  supposing  the  other  an  intruder,  but  finally  discover 
that  they  are  partners  in  the  same  enterprise. 

HIS  FIRST  BRIEF.  A comedietta  in  one  act  by  Sidney 
Daryl.  Three  male  and  two  female  characters.  Scene,  a sit- 
ting-room. Time,  about  an  hour.  A medley  of  love,  jealousy 
impudence  and  eccentricity,  in  which  the  characters  are  all  at 
cross  purposes,  getting  tangled  up  in  the  most  ludicrous 
“situations,’^  but  with  ultimate  most  satisfactory  results. 

JACK  OF  ALL  TRADES.  A rollicking  farce  in  one  act, 
adapted  for  six  male  characters.  Scene,  apartment  of  a 
scientific  student.  Time,  about  forty-five  minutes.  The 
versatile  and  absurd  performances  of  a fickle  young  man, 
who  is  everything  in  turn  and  nothing  long,  to  the  aggrava- 
tion of  his  father,  but  turns  up  sensible  at  last. 

MONEY  MAKES  THE  MAN.  A parlor  drama  in  one  act  by 
Arthur  Sketchley.  P'our  male  and  three  female  characters. 
Scene,  a parlor.  Time,  about  fifty  minutes.  A scheming, 
avaricious  father  tries  to  separate  two  loving  young  couples 
in  order  to  profit  by  a supposed  inheritance,  which  turns  out 
quite  differently  from  his  calculations.  Matters  are  settled 
happily,  and  the  schemer  thwarted  by  the  old  invalid  gentle- 
man to  whom  his  daughter  was  to  be  sacrificed. 

MRS.  WILLIS'S  WILL.  A comic  drama  in  one  act,  adapted 
from  the  French  of  Emil  Souvestre,  for  five  female  characters. 
Scene,  a room  in  a farm-house.  Time,  about  an  hour.  A 
drama  in  which  avaricious  hopes  are  not  realized,  the  humble 
are  exalted,  and  haughty  pride  is  held  up  to  ridicule. 

POISONED.  A ludicrous  farce  in  one  act  by  Vincent  Am- 
cott.  Four  male  characters.  Scene,  a sitting-room  in  dis- 
orderly confusion.  Time,  about  thirty -five  minutes.  Show- 
ing the  vicissitudes  in  the  love  affairs  of  a young  bachelor 
who  is  poor  but  has  expectations,  the  pranks  of  his  man,  and 
the  realistic  effects  of  imaginary  poisoning.  Mrs.  Priggit  is 
a very  characteristic  Irish  Washerwoman,  played  by  a male. 


SLIGHTED  TREASURES.  A petite  comedy  in  one  act  by 
William  Suter.  Four  female  characters  only.  Scene,  a 
sitting-room.  Time,  about  thirty-five  minutes.  A cleverly 
worked-out  contrast  between  true  and  heartless  girls,  and 
sterling  merit  and  frivolous  aspirations,  in  which  merit  is 
triumphant  over  jealousy. 

THE  DUCHESS  OF  MANSFELDT.  A comic  drama  in  one 
act  adapted  from  the  French  of  Souvestre  for  six  female 
characters  only.  Scene,  interior  of  a village  inn.  Time, 
about  forty  minutes.  The  Duchess  visits  her  newly-acquired 
duchy  incognito,  and  in  several  funny  ways  finds  nobility  in 
disguise  may  invoke  ridicule  through  ignorance  of  village 
manners.  She  learns  a lesson  and  profits  by  it. 

. THE  DUTCHMA^^'S  GHOST ; or,  All  Right.  An  original  farce 
in  one  act  by  S.  Barry.  Five  male  and  two  female  characters. 
Scenes,  a sitting  room,  and  a street-thoroughfare.  Time, 
about  forty-five  minutes.  Introduces  a tyrannical  wife,  a 
henr-pecked  husband,  a stupid  Dutchman,  and  other  comic 
characters 

THE  STAGE-STRUCK  CLERK;  or,  The  Office  in  an  Uproar.  A 

laughable  farce  in  one  act.  Six  male  and  three  female 
characters.  Scene,  a lawyer’s  office.  Time,  about  thirty-five 
minutes.  An  over-smart  lawyer’s  clerk,  always  getting  into 
scrapes  which  he  evades  by  assuming  the  name  of  an  innocent 
fellow  clerk.  His  genius  for  inventing  excuses  help  him  out, 
but  bring  retribution  at  last. 

THE  STUDENT’S  FROLIC.  A farce  in  one  act,  by  T.  S. 
Robinson.  Three  male  and  two  female  characters.  Scene, 
a sitting-room.  Time,  about  forty-five  minutes.  The  per- 
plexing situations  and  subterfuges  of  a rollicking  student  in 
his  endeavor  to  elude  pursuit  after  a supposed  murder ; with 
a climax. 

THE  TRAIN  TO  MAURO.  An  amusing  interlude  in  one  act, 
by  S.  A.  Frost.  Characters,  one  male,  one  female,  and  a 
little  boy.  Time,  about  fifteen  minutes.  Scene,  the  waiting- 
room  of  a railroad  station.  The  loquacious  Mrs.  Buttermilk 
and  her  enfant  terrible  nearly  miss  their  train  through  a mis- 
understanding in  regard  to  “to-morrow  ” and  “to  Mauro.” 

TWO  GENTLEIViEN  AT  MlVART’S.  An  interlude  in  one  act 
by  J.  Palgrave  Simpson.  Two  male  characters  only.  Scene, 
an  ante-room  in  Mivart’s  Hotel.  Time,  about  twenty  minutes. 
A very  entertaining  duologue  in  which  an  old  and  a young 
gentleman  are  mutually  objects  of  disdain,  jealousy  and  rival- 
ry, only  to  find  out  that  they  are  father  and  son. 

WANTED  A YOUNG  LADY.  A laughable  farce  in  one  act, 
by  W.  E.  Suter.  Two  male  and  one  female  characters.  Scene, 
a room  in  a Country-house.  Time,  about  fifty  minutes.  A 
very  bright  Farce  in  which  disguises,  intended  to  deceive, 
are  paid  back  in  their  own  coin.  It  is  “dianiond  cut 
diamond,”  introducing  continual  droll  complications^ 


A SILENT  PROTECTOR,  A lively  farce  in  one  acl  by 
Thomas  Williams.  Three  male  and  two  female  charac- 
ters. Scene,  an  elegant  apartment.  Time,  about  an  hour  and 
a quarter.  Full  of  ludicrous  “situations”  and  opportunities 
for  character  delineation  by  a cockney  soubrette,  a lisping 
dude,  a Hebrew  SherilT’s  officer,  and  a rollicking  young  man. 

A young  lady  has  inherited  a fortune  to  the  exclusion  of 
the  testator’s  nephew,  ,and  her  endeavors  to  find  him  are 
successful  but  in  a most  eccentric  way. 

A SLIGHT  MISTAKE;  or,  A Pnze  In  a German  lottery.  A 
petite  comedy  in  one  act,  from  the  French  of  Emile  Souves- 
tre.  Adapted  for  five  female  characters  only.  Scene,  a room  in 
a village  inn.  Time,  about  thirty  minuted.  The  action  turns  on 
the  change  of  demeanor  and  inflated  ideas  caused  by  the  sup- 
posed winning  of  a lottery  prize  and  the  spurious  arrogance 
of  the  parvenue  Eady  Proudly.  A very  amusing  little  comedy. 

. A SPANKING  LEGACY ; or,  The  Corsican  Vendetta  A spirited 
farce  in  one  act  by  Thomas  G.  Blake.  Five  male  characters 
only.  Scene,  the  garden  of  a Corsican  inn.  Time,  about 
forty-five  minutes.  The  awkward  predicament  of  a young 
Englishman  who  visits  Corsica  to  collect  a legacy  from  his 
uncle,  and  finds  himself  one  of  the  principals  in  a Vendetta, 
and  his  final  escape. 

A SUDDEN  ARRIVAL.  A laughable  farce  in  one  act,  by 
Frederick  Hay.  Seven  male  characters.  Scene,  a furnished 
room.  Time,  about  forty-five  minutes.  A convivial  party  is 
broken  up  by  the  sudden  return  of  an  old  gentleman,  and 
their  abortive  attempts  at  concealment  are  funny,  extremely 
so,  to  the  discomfort  of  the  unwelcome  intruder. 

ALL  AT  SEA;  or,  A Morning’s  Troubles.  An  original  come- 
dietta in  one  act  by  George  VandenhofP,  Jr.,  Harry  Grey 
Fiske,  and  Chas.  E.  Burnham.  Three  male  aud  two  female 
characters.  Scene,  the  parlor  of  a hotel.  Time,  about  forty- 
five  minutes.  A charming  farce-comedy  in  which  all  are  at 
cross  purposes,  v^dth  telling  “situations.”  A jealous  hus- 
band, a bombastic  serving  man  and  marplot. 

AN  ARMY  OF  APPLICANTS.  A character  sketch  in  one  act 
by  W.  F.  Chapman.  Six  m^le  characters  only.  Scene,  a 
merchant’s  office.  Time,  about  fifty  mimltes.  The  embar- 
rassments of  a merchant  who  wants  a confidential  clerk, 
arising  from  the  various  applicants  and  the  strtpidity  of  his 
Irish  office  servant.  A capital  piece,  including  a dude,  a lo- 
quacious sport,  a genteel  bummer,  a funny  Irishman,  etc. 

FROM  PUNKIN  RIDGE;  or,  Belinda  Jane  and  Jonathan.  A 
domestic  drama  in  one  act  by  H.  Elliott  McBride.  Six  male 
and  three  female  characters.  Two  scenes,  a parlor  and  an 
outside  scene.  Time,  over  an  hour.  Introduces  a vain  old 
lady,  an  adventurer,  an  Irishman,  and  a Yankee,  with  their 
dialects.  The  plot  includes  funny  love  scenes,  and  the  un- 
masking of  the  worthless  adventurer.  ^ 


•1^ 


M F 

1 1 


DICK  & FITZGERALD 

:xXKX>0O<X>C<^^ 

ACTING  PLAYS 

MALE  & FEMALE  CHARACTERS. 

A Household  Fairy,  How  she  got  him  and  kept  him 

A Kiss  ill  the  Dark,  Kissing  on  the  sly  and  the  results 

All  at  Sea,  A brilliant  little  comedy 

A Medical  Man,  Blunders,  deception,  and  happiness 

An  Eligible  Situation,  Love,  burglary  and  bliss 

A Pair  of  Pigeons,  Groundless  jealousy  cured 

A Silent  Protector,  Ludicrous  effects  of  a portrait 

A Terrible  Secret,  A harmless  hoax  with  roaring  effects . . . : . 

Fairly  Taken  In,  Funny  cure  for  jealousy 

Fireside  Diplomacy,  Cure  for  a henpecking  wife 

From  Punkin  Ridge,  A rascal  unmasked,  dialect  characters. 
BH.S  First  Brief,  Love  making  accidentally ; very  bHght.  . . . , . 

Money  Makes  the  Man,  Love  triumphs  over  Avarice 

The  Stage  Struck  Clerk,  Innocence  triumphs  over  guilt 

The  Dutchman's  Ghost,  Squelching  a dunderhead  Dutchman 

The  Student’s  Frolic,  Lots  of  funny  situations 

The  Train  to  Mauro,  Fussy  old  lady  and  terrible  boy 

Wanted,  A Young  Lady,”  “Diamond  cut  diamond,  ” nobody  hurt 

MALE  CHARACTERS  ONLY. 

An  Army  of  Applicants,  Dude,  sport,  bummer,  Pat,  etc. 

A Most  Unwarrantable  Intrusion,  How  he  won  her 

A Sudden  Arrival,  Consternation  and  general  rumpus 

Furnished  Apartments,  Rival  lodgers  and  fun 

Jack  of  all  Trades,  Very  funny  cure  for  fickleness 

Poisoned,  Funny,  but  he  didn’t  die 

Two  Gentlemen  at  Mivart’s,  strangers  ; rivals ; a discovery 

FEMALE  CHARACTERS  ONLY. 

A Slight  Mistake,  Odd  effects  of  an  inverted  lottery  prize  ticket 

A Spanking  Legacy,  A vendetta,  with  comical  terrors 

Mrs.  Willis’s  Will,  Girls  at  loggerheads  and  lots  of  fun . 
Slighted  Treasures,  Girlish  jealousy  and  spite  exposed 
The  Duchess  of  Mansfeldt,  Fun  in  a village 


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J8  ANN  STREET,  NEW  YORK. 


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UNIVERSITY  OF  ILLINOIS-URBANA 


